Weird Al Ringtones

I'm waking up, in Cheeto dust My belly's covered with pizza crust I'm using my inhaler now I'm out of shape, fattening up I'm sipping Coke from a Solo Cup Donut crumbs are upon my lips, whoa The TV's on, I really hate this show I can't reach my remote control Welcome to my new place, to my new place Sorry it's a cramped space, but it's my place Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, I'm so inactive Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, highly inactive My muscle's gone, I'm atrophied Always lose my fight with gravity I rest my bones, and just chillax, whoa My NordicTrack's collecting dust And my StairMaster's a pile of rust This is it, The Inertia, whoa I can't get up, this couch is part of me I'm growing cobwebs on my knee Pretty sad for my age, sad for my age I could break my rib cage, here is my age Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, yes, quite inactive Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, not very active Near comatose, no exercise Don't tag my toe, I'm still alive I'm giving up, my energy is shot I'm never moving from this spot Never move from this place, move from this place I'll stay here in this place, right in this place Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, just so inactive Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, not so attractive

La-la-la-la-lasagna You want-a some-a lasagna, magnifico Or a-maybe spaghetti Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go Mama mia bambino Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you 'Samatta you, 'samatta you You should-a taste my lasagna Ay, you no like-a lasagna That's okay too How about-a calzone Some-a nice minestrone, at's good for you Have-a some marinara Have-a some marinara, I know you like I know you like, I know you like La-lasagna La-lasagna La-lasagna Would you like some-a zucchini Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard to beat Have-a more fettuccini Ay, you getting too skinny, you gotta to eat Ay, mange, mange Ay, you-a pass the lasagna A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy pig Have-a more ravioli You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a big Like you cousin Luigi Luigi, Luigi, capisce paisan Capisce paisan, capisce paisan La-lasagna La-lasagna La-lasagna La-lasagna Hey! Hey! Whoo! Ha ha

Hey Lucy, I'm home Oh Ricky, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind Hey Ricky, hey Ricky Oh Lucy, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind Hey Lucy, hey Lucy Oh Ricky, you're so fine You play your bongos all the time Hey Ricky, hey Ricky Oh Lucy, you're so fine How I love to hear you whine Hey Lucy Hey Ricky You always play your conga drums, you think you got the right You wake up little Ricky in the middle of the night Stop shakin' your maraccas now and just turn out the light Ricky I'm sick of Fred and Ethel always coming over here 'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer Why don't you serve your casserole and make them disappear Lucy Oh Ricky, what's a girl like me supposed to do? You really drive me wild when you sing your babalooo Oh Lucy, you're so dizzy, don't you have a clue Well, here's to you Lucy I love you too Lucy, too Lucy, let's babaloo Lucy Hey Ricky You're always playing at the Club, you never let me go I'm begging and I'm pleading but you always tell me no Oh, please honey please, let me be in your show Ricky You always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too You iron my new shirt and you burn a hole right through You're such a crazy redhead, I just don't know what to do Lucy Oh Ricky What a pity, don't you understand That every day's a rerun and the laughter's always canned Oh Lucy I'm the Latin leader of the band So here's to you Lucy Let's babaloo Lucy, too Lucy Everbody rumba! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

I, man, am Regal, a German am I Never odd or even If I had a Hi-Fi Madam, I'm Adam Too hot to hoot No lemons, no melon Too bad I hid a boot Lisa Bonet ate no basil Warsaw was raw Was it a car or a cat I saw? Rise to vote, sir Do geese see God? Do nine men interpret? Nine men I nod Rats live on no evil star Won't lovers revolt now? Race fast safe car Pa's a sap Ma is as selfless as I am May a moody baby doom a yam Ah Satan sees Natasha No devil lived on Lonely Tylenol Not a banana baton No X in Nixon O stone, be not so O Geronimo, no minor ego "Naomi" I moan A Toyota's a Toyota A dog, a panic, in a pagoda Oh no, Don Ho Nurse, I spy gypsies, run! Senile felines Now I see bees, I won UFO tofu We panic in a pew Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo God, a red nugget, a fat egg under a dog Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog

Soy un perdedor I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me? (Everybody!) Soy (soy, soy) un perdedor I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me? (Hey!) I am, I am, I am I said I wanna get next to you I said I'm gonna get close to you You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too I know you want what's on my mind I know you like what's on my mind I know it eats you up inside I know ya know, ya know, ya know Here I come, I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come 'Cause all I wanna do is have some fun I got a feeling I'm not the only one All I wanna do is have some fun I got a feeling I'm not the only one All I wanna do is have some fun Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard (Help me!) I broke apart my insides (Help me!) I've got no soul to sell (Help me!) The only thing that works for me Help me get away from myself I wanna - you like an animal I wanna feel you from the inside I wanna - you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to God Hey! Hey! Hey! You bang (bang), bang, bang, bang (bang), bang Blame (blame), blame, blame You bang (bang), bang, bang, bang (bang), bang It's not my thing, so let it go 'Cause the love that you gave that we made Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no And every time you speak her name Does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died, 'til you died? Well, you're still alive And I'm here to remind you Of the mess you left when you went away It's not fair to deny me Of the cross I bear that you gave to me You, ooh, ooh, ought-a know (hey!) Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage And someone will say what is lost can never be saved Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage I love all of you Hurt by the cold (brr!) So hard and lonely too When you don't know yourself I don't owe you anything I don't owe you anything I don't owe you anything I don't owe you anything Black hole sun, won't you come? And wash away the rain? Black hole sun, won't you come? Won't you come? Black hole sun, black hole sun Won't you come? Black hole sun, black hole sun Won't you come? Black hole sun, black hole sun Do you have the time to listen to me whine About nothing and everything all at once? I am one of those melodramatic fools Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it Sometimes I give myself the creeps Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up And am I just paranoid, or am I just stoned? Or am I just stoned? Hey!

The white stuff The white stuff The first one was a sweet one Second one was a blast Soon I finished off the bag, ate 'em up real fast You can see 'em in my teeth Tell it when I talk Had so many my pancreas just went into shock I love the white stuff, baby In the middle of an Oreo I love the white stuff, baby It's the most delicious thing I know I've had a zillion or two In my life, they're so right My teeth are all rotted clear through But who cares? What else am I supposed to do? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the white stuff Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo What's in the middle? The white stuff The first time that I tried it Got a big sugar buzz Nothing gets me high as that sandwhich cookie does But I love the filling most I rub it on my roast Mix it in with my coffee and spread it on my toast I love the white stuff, baby In the middle of an Oreo I love the white stuff, baby Take some with me everywhere I go Might get a pimple or two Well, so what? It's all right Now Twinkies and Ding Dongs won't do All I need... You know what it is Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the white stuff Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oreo Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the white stuff Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oreo What's in the middle? The white stuff

Yeah, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want So tell us what you want, what you really really want I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want So tell us what you want, what you really really want I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna ha I wanna really really really wanna zigga zigga ah If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends) Make it last forever, friendship never ends If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give (you've got to give) Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is Hey! I'm not sick, but I'm not well And I'm so hot, 'cause I'm in hell I'm not sick, but I'm not well And it's a sin (yes it's a sin) to live so well Ghetto superstar - that is what you are Coming from afar, reaching for the stars Run away with me, to another place We can rely on each other, uh huh From one corner to another, uh huh Everybody (yeah) Rock your body (yeah) Everybody Rock your body right Backstreet's back, all right All right All Right! So don't delay, act now, supplies are running out But now if you're still alive, six to eight years to arrive And if you follow, there may be a tomorrow but if the offer's shun You might as well be walking on the sun Might as well be walking on the sun Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down Quicker than a ray of light Quicker than a ray of light Quicker than a ray of li-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ight I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will I wanna take you for granted I wanna take you for granted Yeah, yeah, well I will I want something else To get me through this semi-charmed kinda life, baby baby I want something else I'm not listening when you say good-bye Doot doot doot doot do do do Doot doot doot doot do do do Doot doot doot doot do do do Do do do do do do There's lots of pretty, pretty ones That want to get you high But all the pretty, pretty ones Will leave you low and blow your mind We're all stars now in the dope show We're all stars now in the dope show Mmmbop, do floppa do wop Do be dop ah Do wap, do zap ah, do Yeah-ee yeah Mmmbop, do b'zap ah, do wop Do be dop ah Do wop, doom zap ah, do I smell sex and candy here Who's that lounging in my chair Who's that casting devious stares in my direction Mama, this surely is a dream Yeah, yeah mama, this surely is a dream Dig it, yeah mama, this surely is Closing time One last call for alcohol So finish your whiskey or beer Closing time You don't have to go home But you can't stay here I know who I wanna take me home I know who I wanna take me home I know who I wanna take me home Take us home 'Cause it's closing time Yeah it's closing time We're talkin' 'bout closin' time It's really closin' time Hey

Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Well, it's time to celebrate your birthday, it happens every year We'll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer You should be good and happy that there's something you can eat A million people every day are starving in the street Your daddy's in the gutter with the wretched and the poor Your mama's in the kitchen with a can of Cycle Four There's garbage in the water There's poison in the sky I guess it won't be long before we're all gonna die Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Well, what's the matter little friend? You think this party is the pits? Enjoy it while you can, we'll soon be blown to bits The monkeys in the Pentagon are gonna cook our goose Their finger's on the button, all they need is an excuse It doesn't take a military genius to see We'll all be crispy critters after World War III There's nowhere you can run to, nowhere you can hide When they drop the big one, we all get fried Come on, boys and girls, sing along, okay? Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you (wow!) Well, there's a punk in the alley and he's looking for a fight There's an Arab on the corner buying everything in sight There's a mother in the ghetto with another mouth to feed Seems that everywhere you look today there's misery and greed I guess you know the earth is gonna crash into the sun But that's no reason why we shouldn't have a little fun So if you think it's scary, if it's more than you can take Just blow out the candles and have a piece of cake Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you (wow!) Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you (Happy birthday!) And a pinch to grow an inch!

What is this song all about? Can't figure any lyrics out How do the words to it go I wish you'd tell me, I don't know Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no Don't know, don't know, don't know Now I'm mumblin', and I'm screamin' And I don't know what I'm singin' Crank the volume, ears are bleedin' I still don't know what I'm singin' We're so loud and incoherent Boy, this oughta bug your parents Yeah Blergh Haai It's unintelligible I just can't get it through my skull It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss With all these marbles in my mouth Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no Don't know, don't know, don't know Well, we don't sound like Madonna Here we are now, we're Nirvana Sing distinctly, we don't wanna Buy our album, we're Nirvana A garage band from Seattle Well, it sure beats raisin' cattle Yeah And I forgot the next verse Oh, well, I guess it pays to rehearse The lyric sheet's so hard to find What are the words? Oh, never mind Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no Don't know, don't know, don't know Well, I'm yellin', and we're playin' But I don't know what I'm sayin' What's the message I'm conveyin'? Can you tell me what I'm sayin'? So, have you got some idea? Didn't think so, well, I'll see ya Sayonara, sayonara Ayonawa, hodinawa Odinaya, yodinaya Yadda-yadda, yah-yah Aye-yaah

Put down your remote control Throw out your TV Guide Put away your jacket There's no need to go outside Don't you know that we control the horizontal We control the vertical, too We gonna make a couch potato out of you That's what we gonna do now Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while We got it all on UHF Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF Disconnect the phone, now leave the dishes in the sink You better put away your homework Prime time ain't no time to think All you do is make yourself a TV dinner Press your face right up against the screen We gonna show you thangs you ain't ever seen If you know what I mean, now Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while We got it all on UHF Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF You can watch us all day You can watch us all night You can watch us any time that you please You can sit around and stare at the picture tube Till your brain turns into cottage cheese Well, now Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while We got it all on UHF Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (we got it) (We got it) we got (we got it) it all (we got it) on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (on UHF) We got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (we got it) We got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF

Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork) Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy) Spam in my lunchbox at work (it's the best) Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all If you're running low, go to the store Carry some money to help you buy more The tab is there to open the can The can is there to hold in the spam Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork) Think about selection, are there different flavors now (let's eat) Spam in my office at work (it's the best) Think about the stuff it's made from, wonder if it's some kind of meat If you need a spoon, keep one around Carry a thermose to help wash it down Now, if there's some left, don't just throw it out Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now Spam in my pantry at home (have some more) Think of expiration, better read the label (oh boy) Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (it's the best) Think about how it's been pre-cooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold Now, once you start in, you can't put it down Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown The key is going to open the tin The tin is there to keep the spam in Oh, spam (spam) Ham and pork Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy) Spam (spam) It's the best Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it Spam in the place where I live (have some more) Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now (let's eat) Spam in the place where I work (you're obsessed) Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork) Spam any place that you are (ham and pork) Spam any place that you are (ham and pork) Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)

Oh, some times I think back to when I was younger Life was so much simpler then Dad would be up at dawn, he'd be watering the lawn Or maybe going fishing again Oh, and mom would be fixing up something in the kitchen Fresh biscuits or hot apple pie And I'd spend all day long in the basement Torturing rats with a hacksaw and pulling the wings off of flies Those were the good old days The years go by but the memory stays And those were the good old days I can still remember good old Mr. Fender who ran the corner grocery store Oh, he'd stroll down the aisle with a big friendly smile And he'd say, "Howdy", when you walked in the door Always treated me nice, gave me kindly advice I don't know why I set fire to his place Oh, I'll never forget the day, I bashed in his head Well you should've seen the look on his face Let me tell ya now Those were the good old days The years go by but the memory stays And those were the good old days Do you remember sweet Michelle She was my high school romance She was fun to talk to and nice to smell So I took her to the homecoming dance Then I tied her to a chair and I shaved off all her hair And I left her in the desert all alone Well sometimes in my dreams I can still hear the screams Oh, I wonder if she ever made it home I tell ya Those were the good old days The years go by but the memory stays And those were the good old days Let me tell ya, buddy Those were the good old days The years go by but the memory stays And those were the good old days

Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort Suffocation, no breathing Don't give a- if I cut my arm bleeding This is my last resort 'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's all right, nothing is fine I'm running and a-crying Wake up (Wake up) Grab a brush and put a little make-up Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Here you go create another fable You wanted to Grab a brush and put a little makeup You wanted to Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup You wanted to Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? You wanted to I don't think you trust In my self-righteous suicide I cry when angels deserve to die, die, die D-d-die die die die die Hey I'm gonna get free I'm gonna get free I'm gonna get free Ride into the sun She never loved me She never loved me She never loved me Why should anyone? Come here, come here, come here I'll take your photo for ya Come here, come here, come here Drive you around the corner Come here, come here, come here You know you really oughta Come here, come here, come here Move out to California Do what I want 'cause I can If I don't because I wanna Be ignored by the stiff and the bored Because I'm gonna Hate to say I told you so (all right) Do believe I told you so Now it's all out and you knew 'Cause I wanted to Fell in love with a girl I fell in love at once and almost completely She's in love with the world But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading Can't think of anything to do Yeah, my left brain knows that all love is fleeting She's just looking for something new Yeah, I said it once before but it bears repeating, now Last night, she said "Oh baby, don't you feel so down" (feel so down) "When you turn me off "When I feel left out" So I (what'd you do?) Well, I turned around (right around) "Oh, baby, gonna be alright" (gonna be alright) It was a great big lie (big old lie) 'Cause I left that night Yeah Ooh ah ah ah ah Ooh ah ah ah ah Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Open up your hate and let it flow into me Get up Come on get down with the sickness You mother get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Madness is the gift that has been given to me We're the renegades of funk We're the renegades of funk We're the renegades of funk We're the renegades of funk This time I'm'a let it all come out This time I'm'a stand up and shout I'm a do things my way It's my way My way or the highway This time I'm'a let it all come out This time I'm'a stand up and shout I'm a do things my way It's my way Or the highway But I'm on the outside I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors 'Cause inside you're ugly Ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie We are, we are The youth of the nation We are, we are The youth of the nation We are, we are The youth of the nation We are the youth of the nation Hey I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please Please, please stand up Slim Shady won't you please stand up? (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) Shady, won't you please stand up? Hey

Beverly Beverly Hillbillies Huh, now lookie here, people Listen to my story A little story 'bout a man named Jed You know something, that poor mountaineer They say he barely kept his family fed Now, let me tell you, one day he was shootin' Old Jed was shootin' at some food When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there Well, there came a bubblin' crude Oil that is, well, maybe you call it Black gold or Texas tea He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale And be a Beverly Hillbilly Before you know it, all the kinfolk are a-sayin' Yeah, buddy, move away from there That little Clampett got his own cement pond That little Clampett, he's a millionaire Now, everyone said Californie Is the place that you oughta be We got to load up this here truck now We got to move to Beverly Hills, that is Swimming pools Move-a-move-a-movie stars Huh Look at that, look at that Beverly, Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies Y'all come back now, hear? Beverly, Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies Beverly, Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies Beverly, Beverly, Beverly Hillbillies

Where'd you learn how to steer? You do eighty in second gear When you drive, I can't relax Got your license from Cracker Jacks You just hit another tree These fender benders are killin' me She drives like crazy Like no one else She drives like crazy And I'm afraid for myself They'll put you behind bars We're not playin' bumper cars Did a great figure eight In the middle of the interstate Tires squeel wherever we go Even hitchhikers just say no She drives like crazy Her car's a mess She drives like crazy She's got a death wish I guess She's a demon Behind the wheel Thinks she's drivin' The Batmobile Burnin' rubber in school zones Runnin' over the traffic cones Passin' semi-s on the right Now my knuckles are turnin' white She drives like crazy She'll break our necks She drives like crazy She always gets into wrecks She drives like crazy Like no one else She drives like crazy Now I'm afraid for myself She drives like crazy Like no one else

We've been together for so very long But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong? Seems you don't want me around The passion is gone and the flame's died down I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem That time that you made it with the whole hockey team You used to think I was nice Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car? That kind of thing is hard to ignore Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore I knew that we were having problems when You put those piranhas in my bathtub again You're still the light of my life Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife? You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way You poison my coffee just a little each day I still remember the way that you laughed When you pushed me down the elevator shaft Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra Doing in my underwear drawer? Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me any more You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will You set my house on fire You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep You drilled a hole in my head Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all You never acted this way before Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

Ow Help me out! Dig! All I do is grunt and groan Hurts me to walk anywhere Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones He took my trousers off, told me to cough Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss Living with a hernia All the time, such aggravation Living with a hernia Gonna be my ruination Living with a hernia Got to have an operation Feel so old Too much bad pain Good gawd, drives me insane Can't run, barely crawl Got a bulge in my intestinal wall Walk real funny, bless my soul Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl You can't even do the splits now... Say it! Better call it quits now Now I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow Living with a hernia Hurts me bad in a tender location Living with a hernia Had enough humiliation Living with a hernia Got to have an operation I live with a hernia Can't get up, can't bend over Now I live with a hernia Wait a minute... You may not be familiar with the common types Of hernias that you could get So just settle down, let me clue you in There's incomplete (incomplete) Epigastric (epigastric) Bladder (bladder) Strangulated (strangulated) Lumbar hernia (lumbar hernia) Richter's hernia (richter's hernia) Obstructed (obstructed) Inguinal and Direct Living with a hernia... Rupture! I said it's causin' me such irritation Living with a hernia Have to have my medication Living with a hernia I feel bad!

Beat on the brat, beat on the brat Beat on the brat with a baseball bat Beat on the brat, beat on the brat Beat on the brat with a baseball bat What can you do? (beat on the brat, now) What can you do? (beat on the brat, now) With a brat like that always on your back What can you do? What can you do? (with a brat like that) What can you do? (with a brat like that) With a brat like that always on your back What can you lose? Lose? Beat on the brat, beat on the brat Beat on the brat with a baseball bat Beat on the brat, beat on the brat Beat on the brat with a baseball bat What can you do? (beat on the brat, now) What can you do? (with a baseball bat) With a brat like that always on your back What can you lose? What can you do? (beat on the brat, now) What can you do? (with a baseball bat) With a brat like that always on your back What can you lose? Lose?

Had to park my car for just five minutes I had to go inside to use the phone When I came back again my car was gone Well, I didn't know it was a loading zone What a bummer, I was so brought down I had to chase that tow truck all over town, yellin' Stop draggin' my Stop draggin' my Stop draggin' my car around Took my baby to the local disco, I was jumpin' like a maniac But then the owner came and pulled me off the floor Then he, he took me to his little office in the back He said, I really like your snaggletooth necklace Your pants are groovy, and your hair's okay But, man, that car of yours is so uncool Like wow, I'm sorry, but we towed it away! Stop draggin' my Stop draggin' my Stop draggin' my car around Now I'm at home, I'm watchin' Gilligan's Island Guess it's time to trade my old car in For twenty dollars and my '64 Plymouth Maybe I could get a second-hand Schwinn Look out the window, there's tow truck in the driveway I grabbed the driver and I asked him why He said, I'm sorry kid, you're late with the payments It's time to kiss your little car goodbye Stop draggin' my Stop draggin' my Stop draggin' my car around Stop draggin' my car around Listen, the check's in the mail, no, really Stop draggin' my car around Oh man, I just got the hub caps painted Stop draggin' my car around Hey! Hey! I left a sandwich in the backseat Stop draggin' my car around Oh

It's Christmas at ground zero There's music in the air The sleigh bells are ringing, and the carolers are singing While the air-raid sirens blare It's Christmas at ground zero The button has been pressed The radio just let us know That this is not a test Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping It's the end of all humanity No more time for last-minute shopping It's time to face your final destiny It's Christmas at ground zero There's panic in the crowd We can dodge debris while we trim the tree Underneath the mushroom cloud You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop Or Jack Frost on your windowsill But if someone's climbing down your chimney You better load your gun and shoot to kill Oh, it's Christmas at ground zero And if the radiation level's okay I'll go out with you and see all the new Mutations on New Year's Day It's Christmas at ground zero Just seconds left to go I'll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover Underneath the mistletoe It's Christmas at ground zero Now the missiles are on their way What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked On this jolly holiday What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked On this jolly holiday

Ridin' in the bus down the boulevard And the place was pretty packed, yeah Couldn't find a seat so I had to stand With the perverts in the back It was smellin' like a locker room There was junk all over the floor We're already packed in like sardines But we're stoppin' to pick up more, look out Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus Another comes on and another comes on Another one rides the bus Hey, he's gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus There's a suitcase pokin' me in the ribs There's an elbow in my ear There's a smelly old bum standin' next to me Hasn't showered in a year I think I'm missin' a contact lens I think my wallet's gone And I think this bus is stoppin' again To let a couple more freaks get on, look out Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus Another comes on and another comes on Another one rides the bus Hey, he's gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus Yeah, another one rides the bus Another one rides the bus ow Another one rides the bus, hey, hey Another one rides the bus hey The window doesn't open and the fan is broke And my face is turnin' blue, yeah I haven't been in a crowd like this Since I went to see 'The Who' Well, I should've got off a couple miles ago But I couldn't get to the door There isn't any room for me to breathe And now we're gonna pick up more, yeah Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus Another comes on and another comes on Another one rides the bus Hey, he's gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus, oh, yeah

Uh huh... extra cheese Uh huh, uh huh... save a piece for me Pizza party at your house I went just to check it out 19 extra larges What a shame No one came Just us eatin' all alone You said, "Take the pizza home" "No sense lettin' all this go to waste" So then I faced Pizza all day And every day This cheese 'round the clock Is gettin' me blocked And I sure don't care For irregularity Tell me Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated? 'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated In the bathroom... I sit and I wait and I strain And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated? No no no I was feelin' pretty down 'Till my girlfriend came around We're just so alike in every way I gotta say In fact, I just thought I might Pop the question there that night I was kissing her so tenderly But woe is me Who would have guessed Her family crest I'd suddely spy Tattooed on her thigh And son-of-a-gun It's just like the one on me Tell me How was I supposed to know we were both related? Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose And get hitched and have kids with 11 toes And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated? No no no no no no no No no no no no no no No no no no no I had so much on my mind I thought maybe I'd unwind Try out that new roller coaster ride And the guide Said not to stand But that's a demand That I couldn't meet I got on my feet And stood up instead And knocked off my head, you see Tell me Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated? This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it Such a drag, now... can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore I can't belch or yodel anymore Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated Oh no Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah, yeah) I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated What a bummer Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeeze But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated No no no

니 생각에 꽤 즐겁고 니 생각에 퍽 외로워 이상한 일이야 누굴 좋아한단 건 아무 일도 없는 저녁 집 앞을 걷다 밤 공기가 좋아서 뜬금없이 이렇게 니가 보고 싶어 참 묘한 일이야 사랑은 좋아서 그립고 그리워서 외로워져 이게 다 무슨 일일까 내 맘이 내 맘이 아닌걸 이제와 어떡해 모든 시간 모든 공간 내 주위엔 온통 너뿐인 것 같아 묘해 보고 싶어 신기하고 신기해서 보고 싶고 그러다 한 순간 미친 듯 불안하고 아무렇지도 않은데 햇살에 울컥 눈물이 날 것 같고 그러다가 니 전화 한 통에 다 낫고 참 묘한 일이야 사랑은 아파서 고맙고 고마워서 대견해져 이게 다 무슨 일일까 이 길이 그 길이 아닌걸 모르고 떠나온 여행처럼 낯설지만 그래서 한번 더 가보고 싶어져 너와 이렇게 너를 바라볼 때 뭐랄까 나는 행복한 채로 두려워져 참 묘한 일이야 사랑은 좋아서 그립고 그리워서 외로워져 이게 다 무슨 일일까 내 맘이 내 맘이 아닌걸 이제와 어떡해 모든 시간 모든 공간 내 주위엔 온통 너뿐인 것 같아 묘해 그래서 한번 더 가보고 싶어져 너와

I can't sleep, at this time I got Jesus on my mind And everybody seems to like him I can't think, I can't lie I feel anxious all the time If I smiled, I would be lying Only those who are asleep Don't make mistakes, get no critique Since everybody's worried 'bout things that we are thinking And when the remedy's the enemy Hide self-deprecation up your sleeve And self-serving friends who leave when you are sinking Come hold my hand, hold it tight We're in a weird time of life Don't wreck your brain It'll be alright We're in a weird time of life I want luck, I want love Sharing earphones on the bus And wake up next to you in Glasgow Some days I'll laugh, one day I'll cry See my mum and father die But the sun will shine tomorrow Only those who are awake Will make mistakes and learn to face Everybody worried 'bout things that we are thinking And enemies, the remedies Take the self-deprecation up your sleeve And say, "Fuck the friends who leave when you are sinking" Come hold my hand, hold it tight We're in a weird time of life Don't wreck your brain It'll be alright We're in a weird time of life Weird time of life Weird time of life

I used to think that my life was a tragedy But now I realize It's a comedy For my whole life, I didn't know if I even really existed But I do And people are, are starting to notice Roses in full bloom Remind me of you Smiles lie Misaligned, think that something isn't right inside Understand yeah l feel, but I wonder why Is my soul extirpated When you start to cry When you start to cry Oh, woah oh All I have are negative thoughts Yea, spider webs Searching to destroy, yea yea Who your mans Turned into a boy, yea yea Cash advanced 963.04 after tax Sent the racks Lava on the floor, yea yea "How's your job? Are you having any negative thoughts?" All I have are negative thoughts Roses in full bloom Remind me of you Roses in full bloom Remind me of you

Blinding lights of paradise Every touch I synthesize Hot and slow like summer nights Mother nature talk to me She's a goddess underneath Like a flower blossoming It's like i'm helpless when you go down oh A masterpiece, I'll be your picasso I'm wrapped around the fingers of an angel The fruit tastes good when it's forbidden Cos i do it like I'm sugar come and put me on your tongue Wanna suck on me and see if that's the only thing that comes You're addicted to the sweetness of my cola bubblegum Cos i do it like i do it like i do it like i do Cos i do it like I'm sugar come and put me on your tongue Wanna suck on me and see if that's the only thing that comes You're addicted to the sweetness of my cola bubblegum Cos i do it like i do it like i do it like i do In a tower locked away Sleeping beauty stayed awake Tempted by her fantasy My libido talks to me Now I've found my ecstasy Honey dripping from the tree It's like i'm helpless when you go down oh A masterpiece, I'll be your picasso I'm wrapped around the fingers of an angel The fruit tastes good when it's forbidden Cos i do it like I'm sugar come and put me on your tongue Wanna suck on me and see if that's the only thing that comes You're addicted to the sweetness of my cola bubblegum Cos i do it like i do it like i do it like i do Cos i do it like I'm sugar come and put me on your tongue Wanna suck on me and see if that's the only thing that comes You're addicted to the sweetness of my cola bubblegum Cos i do it like i do it like i do it like i do

Table for two, that's all sorted I played the man, and you bought it We'll talk over glass, like I own it Give me an inch, I'll postpone it So take a deep breath, a big stretch, baby It'll feel like a movie (maybe) A pep talk in a bathroom corner Do I down the gin, stick to water? You met another, God, I'm my mother Think it's in my blood Yeah, I date like Walmart, bootleg class bitch Any chips or nuts for the hostage So what the f- did I miss? Why the f- did we kiss? (Hey!) I got weird when we made out (yeah) What a goddamn kiss to think about Poured a drink all over my wiring Short a fuse, all cylinders firing It got weird when we made out (yeah) Clearly, I've got shit to figure out Baby, baby, please don't hate me Call me up again, I won't get weird Babe, what's the deal, do you like me? Why do karma and girls love to bite me? I still wait for that pressure to ripen Guess "hot goddamn mess" is your type then A pep talk in a bathroom corner Do I down the gin, stick to water? You met another, God, I'm my mother Think it's in my blood Yeah, just sit there, tell me I'm attractive Is she a date or a captive? And I don't know why Makin' out just made me cry (hey!) I got weird when we made out (yeah) What a goddamn kiss to think about Poured a drink all over my wiring Short a fuse, all cylinders firing It got weird when we made out Clearly, I've got shit to figure out (I got shit to figure out) Baby, baby, please don't hate me Call me up again, I won't get weird I won't get weird Oh, call me up again, I won't get weird No one told me 'Cause I stumbled Where's the reference? (Hmm) That's the old me God forgive her Hyped it up Through a dream Held your hand Suppressed a scream Oh baby, please believe me Let's not make it deeper than it needs to be I got weird when we made out (yeah) What a goddamn kiss to think about (why we made out) Poured a drink all over my wiring Short a fuse, all cylinders firing It got weird when we made out Clearly, I've got shit to figure out (I got shit to figure out) Baby, baby, please don't hate me Call me up again I won't get weird

Violent torture Death has arrived Armageddon Terror and fright Stinky corpses Rotting decay Anarchy Antichrist Violent torture Lucifer Pure Fucking Armageddon Anarchy Violent torture Antichrist Lucifer Pure Fucking Armageddon Pure Fucking Armageddon!

Tattoos on my arm Still scared of forever Keep my ex's letters In the third door of my dresser First one hit me hard Second was a feather Playing operation Tryna put me back together Closed off and exposed Salty and I'm seared Naked in my clothes, yeah Love is weird Don't know how I wound up here Love is weird It shows up and disappears Love is strange for some It ranges from making love to tears Now we're here, love is weird Oh, oh, oh, oh People in my past Put 'em in a coffin Laid 'em all to rest But I still think about 'em often We were on our toes Tryna make a good impression Now we're kissin' under lampposts And we're asking deeper questions Closed off and exposed Salty and I'm seared Naked in my clothes, yeah Love is weird Don't know how I wound up here Love is weird It shows up and disappears Love is strange for some It ranges from making love to tears Now we're here, love is weird Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Now we're here Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Love is weird

I'm a silver screen I'm a weird machine Don't you worry 'bout me ('Bout me) Back in nowhere town, I was not allowed To be where I wanna be So winter to spring I opened my wings I learned to surf the breeze Took a while but now I'm free Give me gasoline I'm a weird machine Turning gears into a dream We got that smooth motor Strong shoulders, ooh You better come closer we'll knock shit over, ooh They can try to shut us down But we will turn that switch back on We're not here to fuck around My future's our phenomenon (They can try to shut us down) (Turn that switch back on) (We're not here to fuck around) (Our phenomenon) I'm a silver screen I'm a weird machine Don't you worry 'bout me, aah Buzzing energy Shaky circuitry Still it's working for me We got that smooth motor Strong shoulders, ooh You better come closer, we'll knock shit over, ooh They can try to shut us down But we will turn that switch back on We're not here to fuck around My future's our phenomenon (They can try to shut us down) (Turn that switch back on) (We're not here to fuck around) (Our phenomenon)

I know you're rich in Good clothes and little things Your mind is fancy And your car is bitchin' Is she weird, is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room And her head has no room Your heart is ripshit Your mouth is everywhere I'm lyin' in it Is she weird, is she over me? Like the stars and the sun Like the stars and the sun Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room And her head has no room No more of this girl cryin' I'm here, your big man You're mine Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Is she weird, is she white Is she promised to the night? And her head has no room Head has no room

Hey, they hear me I just put the furgies on the wit Nobody stir me Cut off a nigga quick he gat bitch men tendencies (tendencies) Thought you was a real nigga why you bein' weird to me (weird to me) And now I slap a bitch just so think she could fear me I promise you don't want to see me pissed off (pissed off) My step is gon blow you like some smoke and watch you drift off (drift off) And I just made medal twenty two this ain't no kick off (kick off) Girl I know that ain't no real designer take that shit off (take that shit off) I saw froze cuban could you know I'm havin' big night (big night) Before I ever fuck with you again I rather eat rice (eat rice) I can't fuck with bad energy I hate to detox (detox) Ride his face take his money leave him then I be back (be back) Like who wan' smoke with me? You bitches really scared With that wig off You bitches chicken heads You said I ran from you (who?) How come I own lands And now I ain't gat no works 'cause they all there They hear me (hear me) I just put the furgies on the wit Nobody stir me Cut off a nigga quick he gat bitch men tendencies (tendencies) Thought you was a real nigga why you bein' weird to me (weird to me) And now I slap a bitch just so think she could fear me I promise you don't want to see me pissed off (pissed off) My step is gon blow you like some smoke and watch you drift off (drift off) And I just made medal twenty two this ain't no kick off (kick off) Girl I know that ain't no real designer take that shit off (take that shit off) A ma bad getter cash flipper Littl' bitch in my ass thicker If you want them 10 digits you gotta have 7 figures I'm workin' on full shows (show) You on list on seventies Get my ass up in my sessions Bitch you were like 7 bitches Born and raise in Houston, Texas So I represent I pull up this exfil so your hole fuckin' red I can't argue with no broke hole Bitch you gat me be I say what I say and I mean what I mean They hear me (hear me) I just put the furgies on the wit Nobody stir me Cut off a nigga quick he gat bitch men tendencies (tendencies) Thought you was a real nigga why you bein' weird to me (weird to me) And now I slap a bitch just so think she could fear me I promise you don't want to see me pissed off (pissed off) My step is gon blow you like some smoke and watch you drift off (drift off) And I just made medal twenty two this ain't no kick off (kick off) Girl I know that ain't no real designer take that shit off (take that shit off)

Driving with a yellow dog, I95 He's got a smile on his face and big shiny eyes Up at a decent hour, I never ate yet Got a little Johnny Cash in the old tape deck Nothing in the trunk but some base ball gloves A pair of jumper cables and a set of golf clubs Blanket on the back seat we're in rough shape Sunroof held on with a bit of duck tape Looking for a gas station, better make a list Fill'er up with regular, I need to take a piss Sexy girl air freshener, snacks and a pinwheel Top up the fluids, clean the bugs off the windshield Not a care in the world, not a how, and a why No destination, not a cloud in the sky Back on the road not a moment too soon Dish ran away with some other spoon Wicked & wierd I'm a road hog with an old dog Singing slow songs trying to hold on Wicked & wierd I'm a rat fich Trying to practice doing back flips on your mattress (Repeat x2) Hole in the muffler, ghosts on the shoulder Cough drops, loose change in the beverage holder To roll down the window you gotta use a wrench Been thinking about brushing up on my french Right there in the glove box, if you should look You'll find 40 parking tickets And a copy of the Good Book Don't bother looking, you'll never find me I'm starting from scratch and leaving trouble behind me Wicked & wierd I'm a road hog with an old dog Singing slow songs trying to hold on Wicked & wierd I'm a rat fich Trying to practice doing back flips on your mattress (Repeat x2) Wicked, wicked, wicked and weird Christ almighty, there's a rattle in the wheel well Dog fell asleep and man, I don't feel well But all I need is a half decent breakfast And I'll be back at it, dirty and reckless 5 o'clock shadow, lips like mudflaps Hands like eagle's talons, eyes like hub caps The further I get, I keep going faster Whispers in the wind, and cows in the pasture I have no plans and nothing to prove either I eat out of a bag and sleep in a movie theatre The highway's a story teller, I just write it down Already been beaten, there's no way to fight it now I just kick back and keep warm on the cold days And laugh 'cause it ain't like it was in the old days I figure when I make it to the heavenly gates They'll be working on my car and playing 78's Wicked & wierd I'm aroad hog with an old dog Singing slow songs trying to hold on Wicked & wierd I'm a rat fich Trying to practice doing back flips on your mattress (Repeat x2)

I've been having strange dreams Seeing ghosts and breaking things Room's on fire as I sit and watch it melt around me I've been hosting screenings Of slightly altered movie scenes Seems familiar 'til I realize that they look just like me Where am I? I can't find the door How long have I been here for Where the houses all can talk And I don't mind the creaky floors And now we're in a basement I feel wasted and I'm sure That you'll kiss me anyway That'll be just the thing to wake me Maybe I'm weird or maybe I'm off the wall But maybe it's weirder not to have dreamed at all (Birthday to you) (Woo) (What) (Hahaha) I can walk through walls now Quietly I roam the halls Suddenly I'm ten feet tall and I can touch the ceiling I think I scared you off now I'm regretting getting close hoping It was just a ghost that sorta looked just like you Where am I? I can't find the door How long have I been here for Where the houses all can talk And I don't mind the creaky floors And now I'm in a maze Down in this basement and I'm sure That you'll miss me anyway That'll be just the thing to wake me Maybe I'm weird or maybe I'm off the wall But maybe it's weirder not to have dreamed at all Maybe I'm weird or maybe I'm off the wall But maybe it's weirder not to have dreamed at all

Strange mother didn't trust women Oh the farm was a shield to protect you from the unknown Weird Ed, oh now she's dead There's nothing left but the voice in your head and it said "My son, it's time you go to work Once dead bring the bodies to the farm And then dress up in their skin for fun Weird Ed" Drinking milk from a human skull On a Plainfield night alone at home Wearing gloves of human skin Oh Wisconsin nights how cold do you get? Make a table out of human bones Oh to my surprise, it ties together a room "My son, it's time you go to work Once dead bring the bodies to the farm And then dress up in their skin for fun Weird Ed"