Bezoz - Bo Burnham

I'm sticking with Jeffrey (Jeff) Jeffrey Preston Bezos (Bezos) I get a feeling when I look in his eye Do you need a 180 billion different reasons why? I'm going with Jeffrey Jeffrey Bezos

(I went to a Catholic school for four years, And I also went to garage band for 20 minutes, And this is the product of that. Hit it.) All the seats at the Sunday masses Filled with the mass's massive asses Classes pass as fast as molasses Ceremonial reading glasses Read a little bit of Leviticus All the kids are a little too little for this All the parents nod in agreement - "I think I can vaguely see what he meant" It's too early in the morning glory To read another allegory story The father, reads a little bit farther Assuring the assured that they need not bother "When God, in verse 45, said the slaves are okay to buy He meant that people, all from the start Each have slaves within their hearts Things, that we have sold or boughten, that are forced to pick our moral cotton God calls us to set these free, free our hearts from slavery And then as God goes on to explain the logistics of buying and selling slaves... (Uh, he, ju-- the Bible sorta like, uh, it's like typos didn'--) In the back, I sit and I nod to the beats that are bumpin' from my iPod My god, they're starting to pray And over the music I can hear them say "Dear God, dear Lord, dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword Dear good all-seeing being, my way or the highway Yahweh The blue-balled anti-masturbator, the great, all-loving faggot hater I'd like to thank your holy might for making me both rich and white And though this is your day of rest, I come to you with one request There's so much pain beyond this steeple, Wars and drugs and homeless people Sadness, where there should be joy! Hate, and rape, and Soulja Boy A world in darkness needs your light, so i'm sure your schedule's pretty tight But my dog just had surgery if you could fix that first... Jesus! Debra Messing's fingers in a holy place "Hail Mary full of Grace" Obama, could you pass some hope to the Pope I know a couple dude's who wanna elope See the church said, "nope" so the bros can't cope The bros can grope but the bros can't cope They've been in love and they've been addicted Who said they shouldn't? Benedict did Cause in the holy land of the lord he's the holy landlord and dicks are evicted Cause you can be a Benedict if you've been a dick under Benedict but You can't have Benedicts because there's only one pope and only one dick What? Yeah, a dick on a Pope is Just like a soap on a rope cause it's Pointless, unless in prison, throw up your bibles, Christ has risen! Hallelujah, now it's raining men, Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10. Winos at the Eucharist station, trans-gendered-substantiation Jesus wasn't the messiah, get back I'm a heretic and I'm on fire It was Oedipus, and those holy nights The holy motherfucking Christ I'm a blasphemah post-Katrina cruising the marina, on a crusade to cruise aids And blast FEMA You're too late, we're fucked we don't need ya Amen, In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost Head, shoulders, knees and toes Turn up your nose, strike that pose HEY MACARENA!

He's a really cool guy He's got a cool shirt He's got cool shoes Did I mention the shirt? If you ever got the chance to meet him You'd know why I want to be him He walks into a room And everyone respects him (everyone respects him) He reads the news And doesn't let that shit affect him (let that shit affect him) He's really happy, he's thrilled to be alive His name is any white guy in 1985 White guy, 1985 (1985) White guy, 1985 (1985) White guy, 1985 (1985) White guy, 1985 (1985) He's got a job and a family How does he do it? Balances work with his wife's underwhelming cooking He's got all the answers that I wanna know How can I be what I am, but 40 years ago, gee-whiz? He got it, and he flaunts I am the thing he is But he isn't when I walk I guess it's true that some people really got to fight to survive And some people are white guys in 1985 White guy, 1985 (1985) White guy, 1985 (1985) White guy, 1985 (1985) White guy, 1985 (1985) Wait It wasn't easy being any white guy in 1985 Some white guys were living through the AIDS crisis Some white guys were Italian And I'm not saying it's hard being a white guy now I've misspoke I don't mean to lump a group of people in a hive I think I just meant my dad in 1985 My dad, 1985 (my dad) My father, 1985 (papa) My dad, 1985 Scott Burnham, 1985 (Scott) I wanna be my dad (Scott) I wanna be my dad in the '80s (Scott) My oblivious white dad in the mid-80s (Scott) My dad was an oblivious white guy (general contractor) My father was happier than I am If I could be anybody dead or alive I would wanna be my dad in 1985

Jeffrey Bezos Jeffrey Bezos Jeffrey Bezos Ugh! Jeffrey Bezos Jeffrey Bezos Jeffrey Bezos You did it! Jeffrey Bezos Jeffrey Bezos Jeffrey Bezos Congratulations! Jeffrey Bezos Jeffrey Bezos Jeffrey Bezos Oh!

Sexting (whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh) It isn't sex, it's the next best thing Sexting Ayy, ayy, AT&T I am in bed, I am ready to go with you Tonight, I'm thinking of taking it slow We'll use emojis only, we don't need phonetic-al diction We'll talk dirty like we're ancient Egyptians You send me a peach (oh) I send a carrot back (ah) You send a Ferris wheel That's pretty abstract I send back a ticket stub Implying that the Ferris wheel's your body And I'd really love admission to it (ah) Oh, no! What if, now, you think that I'm implying Your vagina is as big as a Ferris wheel? (Damn) You send back a snowman Crisis averted (thank God) Sexting (whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh) It isn't sex, it's the next best thing (Next best) sexting Ayy, ayy, AT&T No more emojis, now it's on to words I ask, "What you're wearing?", you reply, "A shirt" You say, "Are you naked?" I say, "Yeah, except for a top hat" You say, "LMAO, but I doubt that" I'm getting hot at just the thought of what I'd do to you 'Cause in my head, I'm in your bed And getting through to you They made the internet for nights like these (nights like these) I love you, baby, send a picture of your tits, please Sexting (whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh) It isn't sex, it's the next best thing (Next best) sexting Ayy, ayy (we are sexting), AT&T You send the pic' and say it's now my turn Jesus fucking Christ, I guess I never learn My phone's flash is my only light, and The flash makes my dick look frightened I chicken out and send a picture of my face instead Because my dick looks like the baby from Eraserhead You say, "I sent my titties, that's not fair" (that's not fair) So I send it to you, and then my phone dies Another night on my own, yeah Stuck in my home, yeah Sitting alone One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah Another night on my own, yeah Stuck in my home, yeah Sitting alone One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah Another night on my own, yeah Stuck in my home, yeah Sitting alone One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah (Pussy) another night on my own, yeah (Titties) stuck in my home, yeah (Balls) sitting alone One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah

Wake up every morning at a quarter to ten Like, "Am I dying? Is this real? Oh, right, it's this again" I'm awoken by my daughter as she jumps in my bed I'm only kidding, I don't have a kid I crochet instead Am I depressed? (Yeah), stressed? (Yeah) It's anyone's guess I'll bother getting better when I bother getting dressed Is it gonna end? (Yeah) When? (Never) Alrighty then It's just another day of hanging with my daughter And I'm living in the future, uh-huh I'm living in the future, uh-huh I'm living in the future, uh-huh I'm living in the future, uh-huh Make it to the shower by a quarter to one This bottle shampoos and conditions, it's a 2-for-1 I draw a little doggy on the fog of the glass Just like the ones I used to draw back in geometry class Am I depressed? (Yeah), stressed? (Yeah) It's anyone's guess I'll bother getting better when I bother getting dressed Am I kinda hot? (No), what? (Nothing) That's what I thought I bought an app to help me meditate that didn't work I'm living in the future, uh-huh I'm living in the future, uh-huh I'm living in the future, uh-huh I'm living in the future, uh-huh

I don't know what's happening I don't know what's happening I don't know what is (going on) What the fuck is (going on) I don't know what's happening I don't know what's happening I don't know what is (going on) What the fuck is (going on) I don't know what's happening I don't know what's happening I don't know what is (going on) What the fuck is (going on) (Uh, wait a minute) What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? (What the fuck is going on?) What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? (What the fuck is going on?) What the fuck is going on?