Straight No Chaser - Thelonious Monk

Hooray it's Christmastime But there's one lousy tradition There's a certain show that we will see That is old and many would agree It is time to find another show to substitute for the Nutcracker I'm watching the game but something's wrong Staring is my wife her face looks long I know that look it must be me It's not our anniversary I shrug, no clue. "What did I do?" She stands in disbelief WHAT? This holiday scene brings no laughter Forced going to see the Nutcracker I tried to block it from my mind Think fast! What reason can I find? Got work to do I'll fake the flu No chance, I'm done, I'm screwed NO! I've seen the Nutcracker twenty times. Sure it is fun if you are four. BUM! Don't call me a Scrooge cause it's a bore. The story's dated and that mouse-king-thing freaks me out! Well, guess I'm a guy what can I say I'd rather watch football than ballet I try my hardest not to grown And pull the score up on my phone As I complain, "It's not the same." We're rushing out the door GO! All holiday shoppers on the road My holiday spirit might explode Of course there is no place to park We're late the theater's in the dark In no small feat We find a seat The show's about to start. SHH! Here's that song from Tetris And I know it's the part when I fight Not to fall asleep March the wooden soldiers Bunch of mice start a fight Land of sweets Man this stuff's trippy. By the way this story makes no sense Still don't know What it means After all these years So confusing Feel like snoozing Eyes are heavy As I start to dream... Whoa I'm awake must've fallen asleep guess I didn't snore or make a peep Cause my wife had no clue I'd been out-cold Is the finale coming up because there is no beer left in my cup To make it through I'll need another drink Snuck out to the lobby Oh look I found a TV I forgot the game was happening It's down to the wire Time will soon expire Down by one this kick would win it HUT-HUT! The ball's snapped OH NO! The kick's bad RIGHT RIGHT! No, we lost! NO! How could this night get any worse? Now I'm feeling all depressed But I still have to act impressed A pirouette oh wow that's great a six year-old could do that too Saw my team lose at the bar Now dancing dudes in leotards Last Nutcracker hopefully But my wife's thinking differently She leans in closely, whispers softly Can't wait for you to take me next year.

Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (bass bass) Yeah it's pretty clear I aint no tenor too But I can make you move, like i'm suposed to do 'Cause I got that boom boom that all the girls chase And all the low notes in all the right places I hear those tenors screamin' Tryin' to reach the top Sound like a bunch of girls Come on now (Make it stop) If you like bass (bass)? Ev'ry octave that I sing is perfect, bottom to the top Yeah, my momma, she told me Don't worry about those tenor guys She said girls like a low voice to whisper in their ear at night No, I won't be no pop star, no rock star But I'll do just fine So if that's what you're into, then go ahead and waste your time Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (bass bass) (I'm bringin' bass back) Don't those tenors sound like shrieking cats? They think their all that But ev'ry note that I will hit is perfect, bottom to the top Yeah, my momma, she told me Don't worry about them baritones She said they sing the same three notes, and never get solos And I will not back down to the vocal percussion guy 'Cause all you need is this bass? to get you through the night Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (bass bass) Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (bass bass) Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (No tenors) I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass (bass bass)