Books - Adam Sandler

Remember we were ridin' in your car Not thinking about much, didn't get too far 19 miles till the gas ran out And I ain't never walked that far before Tastes like candy and cigarettes And at that point, I hadn't tasted anything better yet Got that love that can make a man Got those eyes make a man forget Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh Say you love me all the way Say that you love me too Say that you'll call every single day Place a phone call for you And I'll let you listen to my favorite tapes Play my tapes right through Say you love me all the way Hey-ey, hey-ey, hey-ey-ey She said "I'll try to help you if I can And after all this time, you're still the man We're just books upon a shelf Try to understand this if you can" And then she giggles like a bubble bath Oh, I love it when you laugh Rain like pennies in a tin can There's only one question left to ask Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh Do you love me all the way? Say that you love me too Say that you'll call every single day Place a phone call for you And I'll let you listen to my favorite tapes Play my tapes right through Say that you love me all the way Say that you love me all the way Say that you love me too Say that you'll call every single day Place a phone call for you And I'll let you listen to my favorite tapes Play my tapes right through Say that you love me all the way Hey-ey, hey-ey, hey-ey-ey

My car broke down on holiday I walked to the store in the pouring rain Ice on the grass in the glowing grey I watched the ice all melt away I don't remember how I left it I don't recall just what I said I don't believe in stained-glass promise I don't wanna walk on holiday I lost my love on holiday My drugstore flowers bought with change The smell of wet leaves in the fireplace The light in her eyes and the tears on her face I don't remember how I left it I don't recall just what I said I don't believe in cards and crystals I don't wanna walk on holiday Where have you gone from me now? I gave my life away now Where have you gone from me now? I cried on holiday

I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses I got a ten story mansion on the beach With a swimmin' pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much cash That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash I take forty-seven weeks of vacation a year If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news The reporter says "gesundheit" and hilarity ensues And how did I get to be the man that I am? A god among men, only without the tan It's simple, every time I have to make a choice I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says "Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils" OK "Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it Back in the cows" Alright "Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable" OK "Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw And Regis Philbin" Yeah! So how do I explain my little cranial expressions Intuition, premonition, or demonic possession? It could be God, an angel, or my dead uncle Paul Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't wanna know 'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends "Record an all-banjo Falco tribute album" Done, and done. "Put on a tutu, glue two live wiener dogs to your face, and Prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop looking at me!'" OK "There's no reason not to have sex with a cheese grater." Hmm, no, I suppose not. "Set up a stand outside of K-Mart with a plate full of frozen peas And a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you what the hell Your doing, give them a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'" He's become my best friend, sticks with me to the end Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again And he's always by my side, every minute, every hour Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it "Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years And mail a report to the President with a note saying 'Here!'" Good idea "It's time to find out what urinal cakes taste like" If you say so "Get a black and white horizontally striped suit, a mask, And a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it, And tiptoe around the airport." Sounds like fun "How old does a baby need to be before it's too big To fit down the toilet?" I don't know. Let's find out. "Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes." Will do So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks For removin' my angst, so I'm no longer shootin' blanks And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable watch And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch I followed his advice and now I'm makin' major duckets If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed Just listen to the voice in your head, and he'll say "Fat people are full of toys. Go get some!" Yeah! "Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking Warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions, Pez, and lint." With pleasure! "If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down A flight of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now." Yeah, I guess so. "Go to a McDonald's Playland, tie that big Officier Big Mac Thing to the back of your car, and drive away at 90 mph. When a Cop pulls you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'" You got it! "Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist." Oh... do I have to?

I am a grown man Pissing in the shower in my house Yes, I am a grown man Pissing in the shower in my house I have no respect for my family My kids will take a bath in there today I know I should go to the toilet But the toilet is too far The toilet is too far away That's right the toilet is too far The toilet is too far Once when I was drunk I Took a piss in the kitchen sink But I prefer the shower My wife's loofah is starting to stink When my kids go to school in the morning They smell like they're soaking in piss Sometimes before I shower I eat some asparagus I am an animal Iam the destroyer They caught me pissing in my neighbor's pool And now I have to get a lawyer It was worth it

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand, Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain. He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook's, Going to get a big dish of beef chow mein. Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo! Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo! You hear him howling around your kitchen door, You better not let him in. Little old lady got mutilated late last night, Werewolves of London again. Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo! Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo! Huh! He's the hairy handed gent who ran amok in Kent, Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair. You better stay away from him, He'll rip your lungs out, Jim, Huh! I'd like to meet his tailor. Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo! Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo! Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen, Doing the Werewolves of London. I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen, Doing the Werewolves of London. I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's, And his hair was perfect. Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of London, Huh! Draw blood! Ahhwooooo... Werewolves of London...